yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
