i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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