Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize
