just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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