So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
