i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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