I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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