wrigley field is MILF paradise
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
