i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just tell him i said nine months
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
