If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize