When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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