Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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