I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
How's work?
Spinning.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
