i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize