There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize