i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
