Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
