Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
