Please, let me fuck your mom
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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