The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
