I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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