he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
