Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
