Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The uberlube is also flammable
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
