saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Randomize
