I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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