Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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