he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
