I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
