Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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