the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
