Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize