He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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