He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize