Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
