Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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