A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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