Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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