i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
