This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize