Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
