You're my little dorito
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
