No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
