Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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