if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
