Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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