He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
