It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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