I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
