you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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