Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
