You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
