I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
