T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
