I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
