I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
