Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
