i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
