Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
