i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize