i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
