Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
