Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
