I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
