She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize