I wish I could teleport
its not stalking. its research.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
