apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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